Oops!
by celestial princess
Summary: (co-written with mrsradcliffetamahome and The One above All)Surrounded by enemies, the Suzaku seishi teleport to go back home. But they don't end up where they expect. chp. 11!
1. Prologue

Prologue  
  
All the Suzaku seishi and their miko trembled as they stood huddled in a circle. They watched with fear dancing around in their hearts and stomachs as Nakago and his army approached them.  
  
"Prepare to die, minions of Suzaku," Nakago said menacingly, in a voice barely louder than a whisper. "Luckily for you I'm in a good mood. I have decided to let you all die painlessly."  
  
"Chichiri," Miaka pleaded. "Chichiri, please do something."  
  
"Silence!" Nakago yelled, pointing his sward at Miaka's throat. "Or you'll be first, Suzaku no Miko."  
  
Nakago turned his back on the seishi to talk to one of the soldiers.  
  
Miaka gave Chichiri's hand a squeeze as if to say, "C'mon, do something!"  
  
Chichiri took off his kasa and nudged Chiriko, who was next to him. "Get in my kasa no da," he whispered, trying to move his lips as little as possible.  
  
"Where will it take me?"  
  
"Konan no da." Chichiri almost added the word stupid.  
  
Chiriko jumped into Chichiri's kasa. Next Chichiri nudged Miaka and pushed her into his kasa, too.  
  
Slowly, one by one, all the remaining seishi jumped into Chichiri's kasa, heading back to Konan....  
  
Or so they thought. 


	2. THE MADNESS BEGINS!

Hermione rolled her eyes and returned to the book she was reading. I ignored her as usual and continued talking with Harry about what a disaster McGonagall's class was. When I got to the part where Neville transformed me into a water lily, Hermione shut her book with a disgusted snap.  
  
"Honestly, Ron!" she cried. "You know perfectly well that if you had done a simple blocking charm you wouldn't have been turned into a water lily."  
  
"Well excuse me for not having lightning fast reflexes!" I said. "I'm not perfect, unlike some people, even though they think I might be." I sat up straighter and ran my fingers through my hair.  
  
"What are you suggesting?"  
  
"Well, let's just say that somebody out there likes me," I said flirtatiously, winking at Hermione.  
  
"You wish."  
  
Harry put his head in his hands. He can't stand it when Hermione and I quarrel, but he's a pacifist. I keep teasing Hermione about how much she likes me. I think she actually likes the teasing, but it's hard to figure out girls sometimes. Especially fifteen-year-old Gryffindors named Hermione Granger.  
  
There was a thud that came from behind my chair. A group of eight people, five of them guys...or maybe four... I couldn't really tell because they were all a tangled mass of bodies.  
  
One of the people who was in the lump stood up and started helping the others get to their feet. He had bright blue hair with gravity-defying bangs and a ponytail. His face was very squirrel-like, with a smile on his face. I thought it odd that he would be smiling when he was just transported from somewhere else and by the look of the people he was tangled up with, nobody had a clue where they were.  
  
"Excuse me no da," Squirrel-face man asked, seeing me. "But could you please tell me where my friends and I are?"  
  
I closed my jaw, which seemed to have dropped open without my noticing.  
  
"Hogwarts," I replied. "The Gryffindor common room more specifically."  
  
"Does that mean anything to you, Miaka no da?" Squirrel-face man turned to a girl with brown hair in buns and a school uniform. Miaka shook her head.  
  
"Well, we're obviously not in China," a tall, well-built man with black hair said.  
  
"No, you're not," Harry piped up. "You're in England." Suddenly the whole group of people turned towards Squirrel-face man.  
  
"We're in ENGLAND?!?!?!?!" Miaka screeched, getting the attention of practically everyone in the common room. "Chichiri, I know that you usually don't end up in the right spot when you teleport, but this is really bad."  
  
"But you can't apparate inside the Hogwarts grounds, and that includes teleporting," Hermione said to herself, trying to figure out what was happening. "How can that be?"  
  
"I can explain that!" An American girl about fifteen or sixteen years old wearing ordinary muggle clothes was sitting on the arm of Hermione's chair. She had hair that was different shades of brown streaked with red, giving one the impression of autumn leaves.  
  
My mouth dropped open again.  
  
"Who are you?" Miaka asked.  
  
"You may call me Celestial Princess. I'm the author of this story. Chichiri!" she suddenly cried, jumping up and latching her arms tightly around Squirrel-face man.  
  
"Da?" he replied a weird look on his face. I guess he's not used to having girls latch their arms around him.  
  
"So, uh, what brings you here?" a young purple-haired girl asked.  
  
"I'm here to explain the improbability of this story," she explained, keeping her arms latched around Squirrel-face man a.k.a. Chichiri. "I know all about not being able to teleport or apparate on the Hogwarts grounds. I know it's impossible to teleport in Ancient China and then find yourself in England in 1995 A.D. The whole reason I'm doing this is because I want to write a good story. So the FY gang was able to teleport here but they can't teleport back."  
  
"Why not?" an eight-year-old girl asked.  
  
"Otherwise it wouldn't be much of a story, would it?"  
  
"I guess not."  
  
"But you can't do that!" Hermione protested. "It just doesn't make any sense! I mean, why do you want to mess everything up just so you can write a story!"  
  
"Hey! Don't insult fanfiction." Celestial Princess turned around to face Hermione, keeping one arm around Chichiri's waist, "or else I will round up an army of fanfic authors and have them kill you. Not everything is messed up, anyway. But if you act like it doesn't worry you that laws of magic were bent just so I could have fun writing a story, I'll pair you up with anyone you want except Chichiri."  
  
"Really?" Hermione asked, a smile starting to creep around the edges of her lips. "Anyone?"  
  
"Well, almost anyone."  
  
"You got yourself a deal!" They shook hands.  
  
"We'll talk," Celestial Princess said, and disappeared in a puff of smoke. She reappeared a second later.  
  
"I suggest you all start getting to know each other," she said. "You're gonna be together for a while. And a word of advice for the Hogwarts people: Be careful about what gender people really are." She shot a quick look at the purple-haired girl and disappeared again.  
  
We followed her advice and started introducing each other. I figured that if what she said was right and were going to be together for a while, it would be best if we were all friends.  
  
A/N: What do you all think? Is it good? I really want to know what you think of it, because this is my first crossover fic that promises to be sucessful. *evil grin* I got a lot of good ideas up my sleeve. 


	3. HOly Shit!

I woke up the next day trying to remember a strange dream I had. I pushed back a handful of bushy brown hair that had fallen into my face as I tried to remember what had happened.  
  
I looked around the room, trying to see if anything could jog my memory. My eye landed on an extra bed, a girl who was in my dream sleeping in it. I tried to remember her name.  
  
Melissa? No, it was a foreign name. Michal? No, no, that wasn't it. Mi-mi-Miboshi? No, that was the name of someone she had told me about last night. Mi-mi-mi-  
  
"Why can't I remember her name?" I whispered to myself. As if some spirit in the sky had listened to me, the girl woke up.  
  
"Hi!" she said to me. "I guess it wasn't a dream." Her cheerfulness caught me off guard.  
  
Now I remembered! Miaka!  
  
"I guess not," I replied with a little annoyance in my voice. Hearing cheerful people talk when I've just woken up annoys the hell out of me.  
  
"So, uh, when's breakfast?" Miaka asked.  
  
I checked the alarm clock that was on my bedside table. "In about an hour."  
  
"Ohhhhh," she whined. "I'm soooo hungry."  
  
"You're always hungry, Miaka," the purple-haired girl who's name I couldn't remember right now said, having just woken up.  
  
The name of the purple-haired girl, I thought, trying once again to remember some weird foreign name. O.K., started with the letter N. Um, um, Nuriko! That's right! Hah! I got it! All must bow down to the great power that is Hermione!  
  
"Why'd they put you in the girl's dorms, Nuriko?" Miaka asked, turning to face her.  
  
"Because they don't know, dummy," Nuriko replied. "No one does when they first see me."  
  
"Don't know what?" I asked.  
  
"Don't know - " Miaka began.  
  
"That I like to sleep alone!" Nuriko finished.  
  
I gave the two of them a skeptical look. Something wasn't told to me, and I wanted to find out.  
  
Detective Granger is on the case! O.K., now that was random. But randomness is good! Mwahahahaha! I am weird. "Do you two want me to show you where the showers are?"  
  
"Sure!" Nuriko and Miaka said at the same time.  
  
I showed them the shower. Nuriko didn't know how to use it, so Miaka said she would show her. Miaka seemed to be in a state of eternal bliss when she discovered that Hogwarts had indoor plumbing.  
  
We only had two showers, so I had to wait until one of them was finished. While I was waiting, Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown woke up. I had some polite conversation with them and introduced them to Miaka, who had just come out of the shower. I don't like them much. In truth, I think they're a couple of airheads.  
  
I politely finished up the conversation, grabbed a towel, and headed towards the showers.  
  
I heard Nuriko singing a song slightly off key as I waited for the water to get to the right temperature. I laughed to myself as I heard her singing. Nuriko really couldn't sing. She sounded so manly. Then I remembered what Celestial Princess said. "Be careful about what gender people really are." My insides turned to ice. Nuriko couldn't be a guy. She just couldn't! She was way too feminine to be a guy.  
  
I took off my pajamas and tried to calm my fluttering heart. When I was about to step in, she stepped out. Then I realized that there was no way on earth she would be a guy unless "she" went through a sex-change operation.  
  
I did the first thing my instincts told me. I started screaming.  
  
Nuriko quickly clamped his hand over my mouth. He looked as scared as I felt.  
  
"Shut up," he told me. "Shut up!" He carefully took his hand away from my mouth. I had stopped screaming. I was suddenly struck dumb. I started shivering.  
  
"Yes, I'm a man. Got a problem with that?" he asked after about thirty seconds that seemed more like thirty months.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I do," I replied. I turned around to face him. I expected him to rape me or beat me up or something, but he just stood there looking a few shades lighter than usual. He was also shaking slightly. "You're not going to rape me, are you?" I whispered.  
  
Nuriko started laughing loudly.  
  
"What's so funny?" I don't like being laughed at unless I purposely say something funny. "What?"  
  
"Why the hell would I want to rape you? I'm gay."  
  
"Because I'm a defenseless fifteen-year-old-girl?" He laughed again. "You sound just like Miaka, you know that?"  
  
After wiping himself off with a towel, he got dressed in the same clothes he was wearing yesterday.  
  
Before he left, he turned around. "Do me a favor and don't tell anybody about this, O.K. Hermione?"  
  
"Sure thing," I responded in a half-daze.  
  
I stepped into the shower where the water had been running for quite some time. I was shaking so much I was having a hard time holding the soap. It kept slipping out of my fingers. Eventually, I got showered.  
  
When I went down to breakfast with Miaka and Nuriko, I must have still been pretty shaken from my... um... encounter with Nuriko because Ron asked me what was wrong.  
  
"Nothing!" I responded quickly, for fear of what Nuriko might do to me.  
  
"But you're shaking like a leaf," Harry said. "Are you sick?"  
  
"Not in the least bit!"  
  
It was Saturday, so Harry, Ron, and I decided to take the seishi to Hogsmeade. We thought that maybe we could take them to the Three Broomsticks and maybe go shopping. It promised to be a fun day.  
  
A/N: Did Hermione seem too out of character in this chapter? I was kinda worried about that when she was going on and on in her mind about random things. 


	4. Interesting Conversations

I took a deep breath and let the crisp winter air enter my lungs. I loved this time of year. Everything looked so beautiful covered in a blanket of white. I exhaled and watched as a plume of smoke left my lips. Unfortunately for me, it was soon spoiled.  
  
"Heads up, Your Majesty!" Nuriko yelled. A second later, I was struck in the back of my head with a snowball launched with so much force I almost passed out.  
  
"Sorry, Harry!" Nuriko called. "Are you O.K.?"  
  
"As long as my skull's not cracked, yes," I called back.  
  
"So," Chiriko said. "This is Hogsmeade, huh?"  
  
"Yeppers!" cried someone. I turned around and saw Celestial Princess wearing a white down coat and standing with her arms wrapped around Chichiri once again. But she was not alone.  
  
Standing next to her was a taller girl, with curly black hair. I could see it streaked with gray, even though she couldn't have been older than myself. She was also wearing a down coat but it was pale blue.  
  
"TASUKI!!!!!" the girl shrieked, jumping on top of him, pinning him to the ground.  
  
"Must....have...fuckin'...air..." croaked Tasuki.  
  
"Allow me to introduce my friend, mrsradcliffe/tamahome. She's another fanfic author." Tamahome gulped. "Don't worry," she assured him. "She's a Tasuki fangirl." Tamahome let out a sigh of relief.  
  
Mrsradcliffe/tamahome climbed off Tasuki and stood, staring into his eyes. "Sorry about that, I'm just so happy to finally meet you!"  
  
"Well, ya didn't have ta jump me, ya fuckin' broad."  
  
Mrsradcliffe/tamahome's eyes filled with tears. "Sorry." She sobbed. "I forgot you hate women. I'll leave now."  
  
"NOOOOOO!" Celestial Princess protested, grabbing mrsradcliffe/tamahome by the arm. "Come shopping with us!"  
  
"Fine, but Tasuki, you have to be a little bit nicer, or I will exact my revenge on you, and it will not be pleasent. Here's a clue: Ruach, ruach, ruach, ruach, al haetz yesh tapuach. Ze nafal merosh haetz,-"  
  
"-ze nafal vehitpotzetz!" they finished together gleefully.  
  
"All I know is: I don't want to be there when it happens," Hotohori said, laughing hysterically. The rest of us just gave him a blank look. We headed into Zonko's Joke Shop. Celestial Princess and mrsradcliffe/tamahome handed each of the Suzaku seishi and Miaka a big bag of coins. Tamahome looked thrilled.  
  
"Sucks, doesn't it, Tamahome?" said Celestial Princess. "Knuts, Sickles and Galleons can't be used in Ancient China."  
  
"Nuts can no da!" Chichiri exclaimed with a hint of horniness in his voice.  
  
"Chichiri, you horny perv!" cried mrsradcliffe/tamahome. "I have no idea why Celestial Princess likes you!"  
  
"But he's hot!" Celestial Princess protested. "And he's cute, and nice, and he's got magical powers-"  
  
"In bed?" Asked Ron.  
  
"How the hell should I know? He's a freaking monk! The only time I laid a hand on him was when I hugged him yesterday!"  
  
"Would you like to know no da?" asked Chichiri.  
  
"No thank you, but, on the other hand, why not? Let's go!" cried Celestial Princess. Chichiri put his arm around her shoulders and started walking away. "I was only joking!" Chichiri looked crushed.  
  
Ron coughed a cough that sounded something like "Celibacy breaker!" Chichiri gave him a dirty look.  
  
Eventually, after a round of insults, name-calling, and dungbomb- purchasing, we decided to go clothes shopping for the seishi.  
  
Tasuki was stubborn about the whole affair when he discovered that the only shops were robe shops. "I am not wearing a fuckin' robe!"  
  
"But Tasuki," Hotohori said, trying to coax him into getting a robe. "I wear robes all the time."  
  
"Well, you're just fuckin' gay!" Yelled Tasuki. He was creating quite a ruckus.  
  
"How am I gay? I turned down Nuriko, and tried several times to have sex with Miaka, so there!" cried Hotohori, throwing a hissy fit. All the anime characters sweatdropped.  
  
"You did what?!" cried Tamahome. "With MY girlfriend?!?!?!?!"  
  
Hotohori turned the color of a very ripe tomato. "Um, I, uh, I think I hear my mother calling me!"  
  
"Your mother is dead, you stupid schmuck!" cried Celestial Princess.  
  
"Seance!"  
  
"In the daytime?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
"Well, aren't we a big bunch of perverts," said Miaka.  
  
"I concur," said Chiriko. "With the exception of Mitsukake, myself, Hermione and Harry, all of us have said one perverse thing or another at some point."  
  
"Hey, hey, calm down, people." I said. "I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but I can assume that Hotohori only tried to have sex with Miaka, and, oh, my God why would you turn down a hot chick like Nuriko?"  
  
Everyone except Ron and me burst into laughter. "Yes, Hotohori," said Nuriko, "Why would you turn down a hot chick like me?"  
  
"Maybe because she's not a CHICK!" Hermione suggested.  
  
Suddenly, Celestial Princess' warning flashed through my mind. "Be careful what gender people really are."  
  
"You mean to tell me that 'she's' a man?!" I exclaimed.  
  
Celestial Princess was doubled over in laughter. I took her laughter as a yes. "I... did... warn... you..." she said between fits of laughter.  
  
When we calmed down (and got kicked out of the store for being menaces), we decided to go to robe shopping.  
  
Later, our arms filled with parcels, we went to the Three Broomsticks to get a drink. Mrsradcliffe/tamahome advised us to let Tasuki get only butterbeer, as that was the least strong on the menu. (We didn't tell him that, though.)  
  
To make up for the low alcohol content in one butterbeer, Tasuki had many. With every butterbeer, he seemed to warm up more and more to mrsradcliffe/tamahome, who seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself. Then Celestial Princess got the wild notion to try that on Chichiri. We stopped her before any serious damage was done, though.  
  
A tall, blond-haird , blue-eyed girl walked up to our very loud, very rowdy table. "Hi, I'm Mary Sue. I'm Harry Potter's biggest fan. Can you keep it down, please?"  
  
I felt all tingly inside, like the time I had an acid pop.  
  
"Hi, I'm Celestial Princess." said Celestial Princess, in imitation of Mary Sue's accent.  
  
"And, I'm mrsradcliffe/tamahome." said mrsradcliffe/tamahome, also in imitation.  
  
"And we don't like Mary Sue's, so fuck off bitch!" they yelled at the same time, giving poor Mary Sue the finger. Mary Sue sniffed and walked away in tears.  
  
"That wasn't very nice!" I yelled at the two authoresses.  
  
"You don't understand the evil that lurks behind the name 'Mary Sue,'" Celestial Princess said.  
  
Celestial Princess launched into a story about how Mary Sue's had blond hair and blue eyes and looked good in everything they wore and always got their man. They were considered annoying brats by the better fanfic authors. Slowly, I began seeing the girl in a new light, and by the time they were off their very long tirade, the tingly feeling was gone.  
  
I turned to Ron. "This is going to be a very interesting semester."  
  
A/N: This chapter was not written alone. I had a co-author for this one. *sarcastically* Guess who it was! Read her story! It's really good, I promise you!  
  
The pervertedness was split up between the two of us. But her story is not perverted.  
  
For those of you who wanted to know why the hell Hotohori understood Hebrew, see "Perfect Strangers" chapter 7. 


	5. No Physical Love

I waited until Hermione, Nuriko, Parvati and Lavender were asleep, then snuck out of the dorm into the common room. Tamahome was there, waiting for me. I snuck up behind him, and put my hands over his eyes. "Guess who?"  
  
He grabbed my wrists and kissed my hands. "Duh!" He swung me around so I was siting in his lap. "What shall we do tonight?" he asked. "Sing, dance, fuck?"  
  
I hit him hard on the head. "Sou Kishuku, you know perfectly well that as the Suzaku no Miko, I must remain a virgin. Sucks, I know."  
  
Tamahome looked crestfallen. "Awww..."  
  
I put my hands on my hips as best I could. "Do you want me to summon Suzaku or not?"  
  
"Fine, fine, so we won't fuck. But after we summon Suzaku... prepare yourself!" Tamahome said. "We can make out though, right?"  
  
"Right." I put my hands around his neck and kissed him. He kissed me back. Soon, we were making out all over the common room. He almost had my shirt off when I heard a voice.  
  
"How cute na no da!"  
  
"Chichiri!!!!!!!!!" We jumped away from each other.  
  
"Can't sleep either no da?"  
  
"No, we kind of stayed up for this." Tamahome explained.  
  
"I can't sleep because I miss Celestial Princess no da." Chichiri said glumly. (A/N: That sentence was written by mrsradcliffe/tamahome. NOT ME!!!!!!)  
  
"Don't worry, Chichiri," I said. "She'll come back."  
  
"Yeah, an' maybe she'll bring her friend, the other broad." Tasuki was awake. Clearly, he was still drunk.  
  
"Wait a minute, Chichiri," Tamahome said. "I thought you were still in love with Kouran."  
  
"After meeting Celestial Princess, I realized you can't revive the dead no da. So why not GO FOR THE LIVING?!?!?!" he said, putting on the air of a serial killer.  
  
"To fuck or kill?" Tasuki asked, tactlessly.  
  
"Uh... fuck. But also to have someone to love no da."  
  
"I think the Hogwarts air is doing something to Chichiri's brain." I said, worried. "Or maybe six years without much female companionship is finally taking it's toll." "Let's ferget about Chichiri fer just a minute and focus on me a little." said Tasuki. "I've never had a girlfriend and I need ta know how ta handle women, cuz I don't want to be mistaken fer being gay, like the time I brought Kouji home."(see The Scariest Thing in the World, by TA Maxwell.)  
  
We all jumped in with different bits of advice. "Tell her she's beautiful." I suggested.  
  
"Kiss her like you mean it." Said Tamahome.  
  
"Don't lie too much no da." said Chichiri.  
  
Tasuki looked like he was trying to get all this information to stay in his brain. "Wait a minute, should I lie if she's a crappy kisser?" There was a pause.  
  
"You decide," I said. He thought about this for a while, then announced he was going back to bed.  
  
"Just as well," mumbled Tamahome. "Now we can pick up where we left off."  
  
We started... er... picking up where we left off, until we noticed Chichiri in the corner. He looked like he was trying to meditate. He was mumbling to himself about trying to get Celestial Princess' image out of his head. Apparently, he wasn't succeeding, because he stood up, kicked the thing that was nearest to him (a table leg), cried, "I'm a freaking MONK! I'm not supposed to be in relationships with girls! So why can't I get her out of my head no da?" Then he stomped up to bed.  
  
Talk about mood swings, I thought to myself. First he wants to fuck her, now he's yelling at himself for it. What's up with that? 


	6. Exploding Apples!

One Week Later...  
  
"Chichiri, wake up, dammit!" I shook Chichiri's shoulder. The damned monk was sleeping like a log every night, probably dreaming about that Celestial Princess broad. As for me, I haven't been sleeping. I keep seeing the other broad, mrsradcliffe/tamahome.  
  
  
  
I grabbed the skin on Chichiri's shoulder. He jumped bolt upright. "DAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" Then he saw me standing next to his bed. "Tasuki? What're you doing no da?"  
  
  
  
"I'm starvin'. I saw a big ol' tree outside growin' the biggest apples. But I need ta use yer kesa ta get outside." I said.  
  
  
  
"Alright, Tasuki," said Chichiri, yawning. "But you gotta be more gentle next time no da." He got out of bed and spread the kesa on the floor. I jumped in, closely followed by Chichiri.  
  
  
  
We landed by the apple tree. "Yummmm," I said. "Them apples look so good!" I reached up to pick one - and was viciously uppercut by a large - treelimb? "Ow, holy fuck!"  
  
  
  
"Tasuki, look out no da!" shouted Chichiri. I jumped aside as another limb swung towards my head. Chichiri leapt onto one of the many swinging limbs and hopped around from limb to limb. The tree was furious. It swung wildly at Chichiri, trying to knock him off. Chichiri was trying to cast a freezing spell on the tree. But every time he got into position, the tree would swing another limb at him.  
  
  
  
"I gotta do somethin'!" I pulled the tessen off my back. "Rekka Shinen!" A stream of fire rushed out from the tessen - and was countered by the tree, which used three limbs to create a fan and blast the fire away. "Oh shit!"  
  
Chichiri was having a much harder time than myself. The tree was whipping back and forth and back and forth, trying to shake Chichiri. "Tasuki!" he shouted. "See if there's some way to turn it off! No daaaaaaaaaaaa!" He cried as he was thrown from the tree.  
  
"Chichiri! That's it ya fuckin' tree! Ya mess with my pal Chichiri, ya mess with me!" I ran at the tree - which grabbed me around the waist and began squeezing, tighter and tighter. I could feel the air being slowly squeezed out of my lungs. "Chi - chi - ri -" I croaked. "Do - the - freezing - spell - "  
  
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them: two apples, ripe and perfect, hanging from the branch that was slowly suffocating me. I slowly reached over, and, with the last of my strength, broke the twig that the apples were hanging from. I slumped over, still clenching the twig in my hand.  
  
Chichiri stood, legs apart, finger to his lips. I could see him concentrating with all his might on a spell to freeze the tree. He blew lightly on his finger - and the tree froze, dropping me ten feet. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I fell to the ground, and landed on my leg. I heard it snap. "Oh fuck! My leg!"  
  
"What happened, Tasuki no da?" Chichiri ran over.  
  
"What the hell d'ya think happened?" I roared. "I just broke my fuckin' leg bein' dropped ten feet by a fuckin' tree!" At that moment, I realized I was still holding the apples. "Hey, wouldja look what I got!" I grabbed one of the apples, and bit into it. There was a huge explosion that came from - my mouth? My tongue was burnt, and as I hacked over the ground, several teeth dropped from my mouth.  
  
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Suddenly, laughter exploded from some nearby bushes. "Ruach, ruach, ruach, ruach, al haetz, yesh tapuach, ze nafal merosh haetz, ze nafal vehitpotzetz!" The bushes were singing? No, but Celestial Princess and mrsradcliffe/tamahome were! They fell out of the bush, still laughing hysterically. I looked over at Chichiri, who was also laughing.  
  
"What the fuck is so funny?!" I yelled at them.  
  
Mrsradcliffe/tamahome was practically choking from loss of air, she was laughing so hard. "We - warned you - I - told - you that - you'd pay for - being - so nasty - to me - when - you first me - you should've asked - Hotohori - he would've - told you - "  
  
"What my friend is trying to say is," interrupted Celestial Princess. "She warned you about being nasty to her, and you were nasty anyway, after she apologized for jumping on you. That song we were singing is about exploding apples. Hotohori understands Hebrew, and he would have told you what we were saying."  
  
"Now do you see, Tasuki?" said mrsradcliffe/tamahome, who was still smiling. "Not all women are against you. Some actually care about you, like me. I admire and respect you, and when you treated me that way, I was very hurt. So, I thought I'd pull a little prank on you, not one that would result in permanent damage, of course."  
  
"Ya call losin' five fuckin' teeth an' breakin' my leg not permanent damage?!?!?!" I yelled.  
  
"No, of course not! Madam Pomfrey will be able to fix you up!" said mrsradcliffe/tamahome.  
  
"Who's this? Another broad?"  
  
"No! She's the school nurse," Celestial Princess explained.  
  
"Oh. Aright."  
  
"I'll take you there!" mrsradcliffe/tamahome volunteered.  
  
"No fuckin' way!" I yelled. "Not after this!"  
  
She suddenly looked serious. "No tricks. We're even now. Look, I don't lie, so you have my solemn vow." She reached into her shirt and pulled out a fine silver chain. On the chain hung a silver, six-pointed star. She kissed the star and whispered something over it. "There. Now you have my promise."  
  
"What'd ya just do?" I asked curiously.  
  
"It's a Jewish thing."  
  
"Oh." I allowed her to hoist me up and put one arm over her shoulder.  
  
"Chichiri," she asked. "Can you put the kasa over our heads so we can go to the hospital wing?"  
  
"Sure thing no da." said Chichiri. He put the kasa over us and as it fell to the ground, we appeared in the hospital wing.  
  
"I have to go." mrsradcliffe/tamahome whispered. Then she was gone.  
  
"Oh, my goodness!" A short, stout woman entered the room. "What happened to you, young man?"  
  
"I, uh, broke my leg and, uh, bit an explodin' apple," I explained.  
  
"Ah, I see. Goodness, that Whomping Willow hasn't grown Exploding Apples in years." She tapped my leg lightly with her stick. "Heallio!" I felt the bones reconnect and heal back. "Now, open your mouth, dear." I did. "Replaceo!" I felt my teeth reappear in my mouth. "There, you should be good as new."  
  
"Thank ya, ma'am," I said nicely.  
  
"You're welcome, dear."  
  
I got up and left the hospital wing. As I walked back to the Gryffindor common room, my thoughts turned to mrsradcliffe/tamahome. Would she ever come back? I wanted to see her again, to ask her more about herself, to talk to her, to see what she meant by 'I don't lie.'  
  
I whispered the password (bishonen) to the painting of the fat lady and walked inside. Chichiri and Celestial Princess were asleep on the couch, looking so peaceful and happy. Chichiri's maskless face was covered in lip prints. All of a sudden, a picture flashed through my head, of me and mrsradcliffe/tamahome, asleep on that couch, as happy as Chichiri and Celestial Princess.  
  
A/N: That chapter was written entierly by mrsradcliffe/tamahome! Let's give her a big hand! I'm glad that most of those who reviewed liked the story!  
  
Shout out to TA: Yes, yes, I know that Chichiri was way out of character in the last two chapters. This was a result of two obsessive, slightly perverted FY freaks with no adult in the house and a handful of chocolate chips each. But remember, his OOC-ness didn't go unnoticed.  
  
"I think the Hogwarts air is doing something to Chichiri's brain. Or maybe six years without much female companionship is finally taking it's toll." - Miaka  
  
And for those of you who are wondering: Yes! I am going to have some slight Hoto/Nuri pairing. How? Well, you'll have to find out. 


	7. Sappy Romance

_Mmmm..._ I thought. _What a wonderful dream..._ I woke up and stretched my arms, then headed to the bathroom.

  


I sighed as I looked around the bathroom. Everything looked so normal, so undisturbed, so real.

  


_Reality sucks,_ I thought. _Right now I could've been lying on a couch with the monk of my dreams. Instead, I had to wake up. Not that I hate going to shul, but I'd much rather spend my Saturday with a group of sub-normal Chinese guys than normal Jewish people. That's O.K., though. I'll work on my story after shul._

  


All showered dressed and nicely for shul, I went to my bedroom to make my bed. That's when I noticed something flesh-colored sticking out from under the mess of sheets and blankets. I pulled it out and held it in my hand, looking it over. It took me about a minute to realize that I was holding Chichiri's mask. I wondered how it got there, then I remembered a line I made almost all the characters in my fanfics say. "I/he/she/character's name woke up remembering a dream I/he/she/character's name had last night." Then in the next couple of paragraphs or so, they find out that their dream actually did happen.

  


_The Chichiri fangirls are gonna kill me._

  


Several hours later...

  


_O.K. I take back all I said about normal Jews this morning,_ I thought when I came home. _Normal is quite an underestimate of us._

  


I took off my dress and changed into my favorite outfit: a black t-shirt, with a picture of Chichiri on the front and the words "no da" on the back and my "doodle jeans"; a pair of jeans with writing and doodles on them written by me and friends of mine. I put on my shoes and socks, then took Chichiri's mask and put it in the pocket of my jeans.

  


I turned on my computer and opened up the story _Oops!_ I disappeared into the computer and found myself at Hogwarts, near the Great Hall.

  


"Hello, happy people!" I cried as I neared the Gryffindor table. My statement, however, seemed to be said at the wrong time one. The FY gang, along with Harry and co. seemed to be worried. They ignored me and were busy looking through folds of clothes and Chichiri (who was maskless) kept searching through the pockets of his robe (remember, they went robe shopping), trying to find something. I felt his mask in my pocket and figured he was searching for his mask.

  


"Good morning, Celestial Princess," Chiriko said. 

  


_At least someone's acknowledging my existence_, I thought.

  


"Chichiri's looking for his mask," Chiriko continued. "You don't have any idea where it might be, do you?" Everybody who was looking for Chichiri's mask stopped and looked at me. 

  


"He's been looking for it since seven-thirty this morning," Hermione stated.

  


"What time is it now?" I asked.

  


"Eight-thirty."

  


"Where's my mask no da?!" Chichiri cried helplessly. "Where is it?"

  


"Here it is," I said, reaching in my pocket and handing it to him.

  


He gratefully took it and put it back on his face. I was a little disappointed. He really looks hotter without the mask on. I wish he would build up enough self-confidence to go maskless.

  


"Thanks no da," he said, giving me a smile. "Where'd you find it?"

  


"In my bed." Everybody went nuts.

  


"In your _bed_? Celestial Princess, you naughty girl!" Miaka giggled.

  


"But I thought Chichiri was a monk!" Harry said.

  


"I am a monk na no da!" 

  


"Ah - ohhhhhhhhhhhh!" Harry had an evil grin on his face.

  


"Guess you've finally got yourself a girlfriend, Chichiri!" Tamahome said.

  


"Celibacy breaker! Celibacy breaker!" Ron coughed.

  


"Shut up, na no da," Chichiri mumbled, putting his face in his hands and sweatdropping.

  


"Dear Suzaku in heaven!" Nuriko cried, silencing all of us. "Chichiri, is that what I think it is?" He was pointing to a red mark on Chichiri's neck.

  


_Oh, shit,_ I thought. _Please tell me that's just a rash._

"The monk has a hickey!" Tasuki cried gleefully. "Yer gonna lose yer virginity next!" I felt my face get warm. "An' Celestial Princess in blushin'! How far did ya get last night?"

  
  


"Shut up, Tasuki," I mumbled. "Nothing happened."

  


"Don't gimme none o' that bullshit!" he cried. "I saw you an' Chichiri last night sleepin' on a couch in the common room!"

  


"That doesn't mean anything no da," Chichiri protested.

  


"Nah, it doesn't. Except when ya got lip marks all over yer face." Chichiri sweatdropped again.

  


"Yeah but -" I protested.

  


"'Yeah but' nothin'! It's so obvious that ya love him. Yer even wearin' a Chichiri shirt!"

  


The conversation continued to go nowhere, with Chichiri sweatdropping, me blushing furiously, both of us putting our faces in our hands, giggling from the listeners, and playful shouts accusing us of being naughty, horny, perverted, and all that jazz, sprinkled with Ron's cough of "Celibacy breaker!" every now and then. Eventually, Tasuki was able to coax all the details out of us.

  


"Please don't hurt me, Chichiri fangirls," I mumbled to myself when I finished telling everyone the story.

  


"What? Chichiri fangirls no da?" Chichiri asked.

  


"Guess you don't know, huh?" I asked. He shook his head. "In my world, there's a comic called _Fushigi Yugi: The Mysterious Play_. It's about all of you," I gestured to the FY people, "and there are fans for every single seishi, except maybe Ashitare." I could see them all start to smile. "Though I did once see a link for someone starting an Ashitare fanclub, but why I don't know. Anyway, all of the fangirls are very protective of who they're obsessing about and as I was graciously told by TA Maxwell, and I quote, 'Although it is kinda funny it does get other fangirls out to slash your stomach open with a corkscrew when a character falls for an authoress.'"

  


"Oh, that's nice," Hotohori said sarcastically. "What is she, a Chichiri fangirl?"

  


"Yeah, and an obsessive one at that. But she also said, 'However, just grab Nuriko and strategically place him in front of you and everything should be fine!!'" Nuriko held a firm grip on the table.

  


"Uh, Celestial Princess?" Hermione asked. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

  


"Sure!" I said. I followed her out of the Great Hall, to the Gryffindor common room, and up to the girls' dorms.

  


When we reached the girls' dorms, she began rummaging in her trunk. Eventually, she came found a piece of parchment. She gave the parchment to me. I sat on her bed and studied it over, thinking hard.

  


The parchment said "Boys I Want to be Paired with" in beautiful, swirly handwriting at the top. Underneath that, there were the names Ron, Draco, Hotohori, Chichiri, and Tamahome.

  


"It's a list of everyone I want to be paired with," she explained.

  


"So I see." There was an awkward silence that followed.

  


"Well?" she asked, sitting down next to me and attempting to break the silence.

  


"This is what I think," I finally said after about a few minutes. "You have a list of really nice, hot guys, but... can I borrow a pen?" Hermione nodded and handed me a quill pen loaded with ink. "Let me tell you my personal feelings about these guys." I crossed out Tamahome's name. "Don't ask to be paired with him, he's taken." I did that with the remaining guys on the list until only Draco and Ron remained. I circled their names with the pen.

  


_This is a tough decision, _I thought to myself. _I'm a supporter of D/Hr pairings, but I think she would be better off with Ron._

  


"So?" she asked. I explained my dilemma to her. "I guess I'll take Ron," she said after thinking it over. "I would be better off with him. And what does Malfoy see in me anyway? Cross him out."

I crossed his name out.

As I was walking down the stairs to the common room, I noticed two things. First, it was snowing. Second, Chichiri looking out a window on the other side of the room. I couldn't see his face, but his shoulders were shaking slightly, like he was crying. The song _Cry_ began to play in my head. 

_I'll always remember _

_It was late afternoon_

_It lasted forever _

_And ended too soon _

_You were all by yourself _

_Staring up at a dark gray sky _

_I was changed _

I crossed the common room to where Chichiri was sitting. He had his forehead pressed against the window and was sobbing softly. His mask was in his hand. I saw tears leaking out of his good eye.

_In places no one would find _

_All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside) _

_It was then that I realized _

_That forever was in your eyes _

_The moment I saw you cry _

I wasn't sure if he wanted to be left alone or if he wanted to be comforted. I sat down next to him and debated whether or not I should make my presence known.

_The moment that I saw you cry_

After about ten seconds of debating, I decided to put my arm around his shoulders. Chichiri looked around and saw me smiling at him. He gave a weak smile back, then buried his head in my shoulder and continued crying.

_It was late in September _

_And I've seen you before (and you were) _

_You were always the cold one _

_But I was never that sure _

_You were all by yourself _

_Staring up at a dark gray sky _

_I was changed _

_In places no one would find _

_All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)_

_ It was then that I realized _

_That forever was in your eyes _

_The moment I saw you cry _

As I held Chichiri, rocking him back and forth, I quietly sang the next two stanzas to myself.

"I wanted to hold you

I wanted to make it go away 

I wanted to know you 

I wanted to make your everything, all right....

I'll always remember... 

It was late afternoon... 

In places no one would find..."

Chichiri looked up at me. I wiped his tears away as I sang the final stanza.

"In places no one would find 

All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside) 

It was then that I realized 

That forever was in your eyes 

The moment I saw you cry"

"I don't think I've ever heard a song that fits the moment as well as that no da," Chichiri choked through his tears. 

"What's the matter?" I asked him.

"Kouran no da. I wish I could see her again." His arms began sneaking up my sides. "I wish I could hold her...."

_Chichiri, what are you doing?_ I thought.

Chichiri wrapped his arms around me. "I wish I could kiss her..." He brought his face close to mine. "... one... last... time...." Our lips locked. Chichiri stuck his tongue in my mouth and ran it over the back of my teeth.

_Chichiri, _I thought. _Chichiri, what are you doing?_

Chichiri seemed to have forgotten that he was a monk mourning for a dead girlfriend at the moment. He continued caressing me. He even started running his hands through my hair.

I really didn't want the kiss to stop. It was the first time I had actually experienced a real kiss. Not a quick peck on the cheeks or lips. But I knew it wasn't right to kiss a monk, even if he did kiss me first.

I pulled away. "What are you doing?" I asked him.

"Kissing you no da. What else do you think I'm doing?" He tried to kiss me again, but I held him back.

"Stop. This isn't like you at all."

"What do you mean no da?"

"You're a monk, Chichiri. A monk in love with an eighteen-year-old girl named Kouran who perished in a flood. Don't you remember? You were crying for Kouran less than five minutes ago."

"Yes, I know. But when you were holding me, I realized how much I love you."

"Chichiri, you barely know me."

_Stop being so damn stupid!_ A voice in my head screamed. _You have Chichiri's love, so love him back, dammit!_ There was still something that didn't seem quite right, though. But I decided to ignore it.

A/N: Sorry to keep you all waiting for the next chapter so long! My reason _is_ explainable, though! My dad's birthday was coming up, and I was writing him a story, so that took up a lot of my time. I was also suffering from writer's block.

And for those of you who wanted more HP/FY interaction, it is being planned.


	8. A Game of Quidditch and More Sappy Roman...

"Mitsukake, wake up!" Someone shook me awake. Yawning, I opened my eyes and looked up at Tamahome, who was grinning excitedly. "We're going to a Quidditch game today, remember? Now, wake up! The game starts at ten!"

  


I climbed out of bed. Tama-neko crawled out from between the sheets and meowed tiredly. I patted him on the head, dressed and went down to the Great Hall.

  


"Eh, where's Harry an' Ron?" asked Tasuki.

  


"They had to go get changed for the Quidditch game." aaid Hermione. "Ron's the new Keeper and Harry's Captain, so they left to get ready."

  


"I can't wait for the game!" aaid Miaka excitedly.

  


"Quidditch is a ton of fun." aaid Hermione.

  


The Great Hall began to empty and all the seishi, including me, and Miaka followed Hermione out to the Quidditch field. We climbed up into the stands and stood leaning over the railing. 

  


"Ladies and gentlemen!" cried the announcer (Lee Jordan, Hermione had said.). "Welcome to Hogwarts' first Quidditch match of the year! Today's game: Slytherin versus Gryffindor!"

  


The supporters clad in red, about ¾ of the crowd, burst into cheering. 

  


"Go, Gryffindor!"

  


"Yeah!"

  


"The Slytherin lineup is: Bletchley, Scarborough, Zabini, Chasers! Crabbe, Goyle, Beaters! Pritchard, Keeper! And Seeker, Malfoy!"

  


Seven green figures shot out onto the field. The green quarter of the crowd burst into cheering and applause.

  


"And the Gryffindor team: Bell, Spinnet Johnson, Chasers! Weasley and Weasley, Beaters! Weasley, Keeper! And Seeker, Potter!"

  


The red part of the crowd, the seishi, Miaka, and I began to cheer. Tama-neko meowed his support loudly.

  


"The players take their positions as Madam Hooch steps out onto the field to begin the game!"

  


A hawk-eyed woman stepped out onto the field and let two brown balls and a small golden one out of a case. The golden one vanished a second after I spotted it.

  


I looked at the players hovering in the air. My eyes kept flying back to one of the young ladies; the Chaser Lee Jordan had called Bell. I looked at her, and a deep memory stirred inside me. She looked exactly like Shoka! The honey-colored, long hair; the deep blue eyes; the smooth skin; she was so beautiful it left me breathless. 

  


Madam Hooch picked up a large red ball and tossed it into the air…

  


"And the Quaffle is taken by Spinnet…passes to Bell…back to Spinnet…ooh, intercepted by Bletchley…Weasley knocks a Bludger to Bletchley…Bletchley drops the Quaffle, what a pity…Quaffle taken by Johnson…she's going for the goal…Keeper Pritchard dives…misses…she scores! Ten points to Gryffindor!"

  


Wild cheering rose from the stands, followed by a "Yaaaaahhhhhhh!" from Tasuki as he tumbled to the floor.

  


"No daaaaa!" yelled Chichiri, going down after Tasuki.

  


"Oops, sorry!" said an all too familiar voice. Celestial Princess rose from the ground, brushing dust off her trousers. "I didn't mean to land on your shoulders!"

  


"Sorry, Tasuki!" said Mrsradcliffe/tamahome, standing up. "I didn't know where I was going to land. I swear it was an accident!"

  


Tasuki ruffled her hair affectionately. "'S alright."

  


"Does the woman-hater no longer hate women?" teased Nuriko.

  


"Shaddup!" said Tasuki irritably. "I hate women, but Mrsradcliffe/tamahome's pretty cool."

  


Mrsradcliffe/tamahome blushed scarlet and turned to the game. "So, who's winning?"

  


"Gryffindor just scored." said Hermione. 

  


Cheers erupted from the stands as Lee Jordan yelled, "Nice save by Keeper Weasley!"

  


"Oh!" gasped Hermione. "I always knew Ron would be the best Keeper ever!"

  


"Riiight," said Celestial Princess. "That and that little thing about-"

  


Hermione cut her off. "Shh!" she hissed. "People are listening!"

  


"Slytherin in possession…" I turned my attention back to the game, or, to be more specific, back to Bell. Her long hair streamed out behind her as she flew towards the Slytherin goal with the Quaffle under her arm. In one deft movement, she tossed it into one of the hoops, and the red crowd whooped wildly.

  


"Gryffindor leads, 40 points to zero…"

  


I watched as Johnson tossed the Quaffle to Spinnet, who in turn passed it to Bell, who flew towards the Slytherin goal…

  


And before Spinnet could yell, 'Look out!' and Bell could fly out of the way, one of the Bludgers, knocked Bell out of the air, and she plummeted 50 feet down onto the grass.

  


I heard a yell. "Someone get Madam Pomfrey!"

  


I grabbed Hermione's arm. "Take me down there!"

  


She led me down onto the pitch. I ran to the crumpled girl, who was lying unconscious on the neatly trimmed grass. I turned her body so she was lying on her back. She was still breathing, so she wasn't dead. But she had suffered head trauma and her leg was broken.

  


I rolled up my sleeves and held out my hand. The character began to glow red as I held it over Bell's body. I transferred all my energy into this beautiful girl, this incarnation of my Shoka. With every wave of energy leaving my body, I felt myself becoming fonder and fonder of this girl, as fond as I was of Shoka, maybe even more so.

  


I heard her cough. I looked at her face as she slowly opened her eyes. "What? What happened?"

  


"You fell." I answered. "I was able to heal you."

  


"You're not…a wizard?" she asked.

  


"No. But I have my own kind of magic." I explained. "I can give my energy to other people in order to heal them, as I have just done to you."

  


"Wow," she said. "Thanks."

  


"Katie Bell!" I heard a woman cry. A little woman with an air of caring about her marched out onto the field. "Are you all right? Who is this man?"

  


I stood up and bowed to show respect. "You must be the healer here. I am Mitsukake, Suzaku seishi and healer as well. I have just healed this young woman, Katie Bell, as you called her, of a head injury and a broken leg."

  


"Well, Mister Kahkei," said the woman. "I am Madam Pomfrey, the nurse here at Hogwarts. I am very glad you have healed Miss Bell. It seems you can heal quickly in emergencies. I would be fortunate if you would agree to be my helper in the Hospital Wing."

  


"Please, Mitsukake," said Katie. "I wouldn't mind breaking my leg a hundred times if you could heal it." 

  


I blushed at this. "All right."

  


Cheering erupted from the stands as Harry rose up into the air, clutching something in his hand.

  


"He's caught the Snitch!" yelled Lee Jordan. "Gryffindor wins, 190 points to zero!"

  


"Yes!" cried Katie. "Hurray! Hurray!"

  


I couldn't resist cheering myself. "They won! They won!" I shouted gleefully, like a child. 

  


Katie Bell stood up and flung her arms about my neck. "Thank you for healing me! I would've hated being healed by Madam Pomfrey, but being healed by you was the most wonderful thing in the world!"

  


"Thank you, Katie." I said, grinning.

  


A/N: Mitsukake romance, yayyyy!!!! *cough* Sorry. Um, this chapter was written entirely written by mrsradcliffe/tamahome. Uh, I don't have anything else to say except review, review!!! Oh, yeah! I do have another thing to say that I meant to say in the last chapter: If anyone's unhappy that I put in the song _Cry_, I don't have anything to say about that except I like that song and you wouldn't believe how it reminds me of Chichiri.

  
  



	9. Valentine's Day Through the Eyes of a Cr...

Valentine's Day. Love was in the air. Everyone seemed to have a partner except for me. Miaka had Tamahome, Chichiri had Celestial Princess, Tasuki had been checking out mrsradcliffe/tamahome (now called MRT), Hermione had Ron, Mitsukake had Katie, Chiriko didn't have anyone yet, but he was starting to check out girls, and Hotohori, my darling Hotohori, had his eye on the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Fleur Delacour.

  


Just thinking about Madame Delacour made me want to go and kill somebody. Who did that bitch think she was anyway? Making _my_ Hoto-kins fall for her. It was really quite pathetic, seeing him worship her. I was determined to make him mine by the end of the day. But how?

  


I went down to the common room. Classes had just let out and everyone was returning to start homework. My eyes quickly caught Hermione's, who was trying to unload all her books on a rather small table.

  


"Hey, Hermione," I said as I came over. "Anything new?"

  


"Unless you count being loaded down by Potions homework, no," she replied tonelessly as she unloaded book after book from her bag. "God, I hate Potions."

  


I watched her work in silence for a while. She was looking kind of uncomfortable. I guess she was still shaken up about the shower incident. But I had a question burning inside me since I found out Hermione was such a brainiac, and I had to ask her. But I couldn't. I just couldn't.

  


_You have to ask, Nuriko,_ I told myself. _It's either now or never._

  


I took a deep breath. "Hermione?" I asked. She looked up from her work (describe, in your own words, how a blinding charm is either more or less effective than pepper spray). 

  


"Hmmmm?" she asked.

  


"Hermione, can you - " I took another deep breath. "CanyoumakealovepotionthatwillmakeHotohorifallinlovewithme?"

  


Her eyes got very big. "Erm..."

  


"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" I begged, waterfall tears flowing down my face. "You have to! I've been in love with Hotohori ever since I was in his harem, and now it's been well over a year, and he doesn't love me, but I'm madly in love with the man but he's always pining over Miaka because she loves Tamahome and not him. But I love him and I want to be there for him so he can forget about Miaka, but he's straight and I'm gay, and now he's checking out Fleur Delacour and that's getting me really mad because I cant _stand her_, but I figured that if you made me a love potion to make him fall in love with me, then everything could turn out all hunky dory!" This seemed to be getting too weird for Hermione, but I understood. How often do you meet a gay cross-dresser who looks so feminine you think he's a girl, then find out he's a guy when he steps out of the shower?

  


"Um..." She was beginning to lose some of the color in her cheeks.

  


"Look, if you don't want to do it, I understand..."

  


"It's not that, I'm just not sure if a same-sex love potion exists."

  


My face fell. "Oh..."

  


"Polyjuice potion!" she cried, hitting her hand on the table.

  


"What?"

  


"Polyjuice potion!" she said again. "It makes you turn into anyone else for an hour. You can turn into Fleur and win over Hotohori!"

  


We looked at each other for a second before nodding vigorously. 

  


"I got them, I got them!" Hermione cried excitedly, about twenty minutes later, bounding into the girl's dorm holding two white-blond hairs. "I got Fleur's hair! Hold these," she said, thrusting the hairs into my hand. She opened her trunk and started rummaging around, trying to get something at the bottom.

  


A minute later, she popped up, holding a small bottle in her hand. "This is the key to make all your dreams come true... for an hour," she said. "So find Hotohori, do what you gotta do and scram."

  


I handed her the hairs, which she dropped in the bottle. She shook it up vigorously and handed it to me. The concoction turned blue and smelled like exotic spices.

  


"Drink up," she said. 

  


I took a drink. The potion tasted like spices and sugar (sugar, spice, and everything nice...lol).

  


"Hey, that's not fair!" Hermione cried. "When I took polyjuice potion, it turned a really nasty shade of green and tasted like hairballs."

  


I didn't answer because my skin started to bubble. My hair turned straight, and silvery-blond. My eyes went from black to blue, and the front of my robes expanded. At the same time, I felt something else (*cough, cough*) shrink, and be replaced with what I've wanted since I was ten. "Hey," I exclaimed. "I'm a woman! Whoop-de-doo!" I ran to the mirror and did a little victory dance. "Womanhood is mine!"

  


"When you're finished dancing," said Hermione, "You'll notice that you have 55 minutes in which to find Hotohori."

  


"Thanks, Hermione. You're the best." I said, then rushed out the door. 

  


Hotohori wasn't in the common room, nor in the boy's dorm. I left Gryffindor House and walked down the corridor, keeping a hawk's eye out for my Hoto-kins. 

  


I walked down to the Great Hall. No Hotohori. I walked out to the Quidditch field. No Hotohori. I walked around the school. He wasn't in the Potions room, or the Charms room. I finally stopped at what used to be, as Harry and Ron and Hermione informed me, the out-of-bounds third floor corridor. I pushed open the heavy wooden door to see...MY HOTO-KINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He looked so hot, I nearly flung myself at him. But I didn't.

  


"'allo, 'oto-ori," I said. I loved my voice. It sounded all sugary and sweet. (Sugar, spice and everything nice!!!)

  


"Hello, Fleur," he said. "What are you doing here? I thought you had a class to teach."

  


"Classes were dismissed fifteen minutes ago." My arms snaked around his neck. "What are _you_ doing 'ere?" 

  


"I needed some time alone." He said.

  


"Define 'alone'." I whispered sexily.

  


"'Alone' being I need your help being alone." he breathed into my hair.

  


"Umm-hmm, fine." I looked up into his handsome, hot, sexy, totally gorgeous face. He leaned down and kissed me. Fireworks went off! A dog caught a Frisbee! Volcanos erupted! 

  


We kissed, and we kissed, and we kissed some more. Hotohori's hands ran through my hair. My arms were tightly about his neck.

  


Suddenly, I felt the front of my robes shrinking, and something else growing. Hotohori's eyes opened, and suddenly grew to the size of dinner plates. "Nuriko?!" he shrieked like a girl. He looked like was about to be violently ill. His face turned green, then red, then white, then blue, then purple, then yellow, then a bright shade of orange. The contents of his stomach flew out of his mouth all over me. He hacked and coughed and all in all, appeared very freaked out. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

  


"Um, well, I, um, I sort of, um-" I tried to say, but he cut me off.

  


"You disgusting perverted cross-dresser! You were just really horny, weren't you?!" he yelled.

  


"Well, did you enjoy yourself?!" I yelled back.

  


He turned a brilliant shade of scarlet. "Well, you are a good kisser..." Suddenly, he shook his head violently. "That's not the point! It's the principle of the thing! Holy Suzaku, I've been violated by a frickin' MAN!!!!!" He ran screaming out of the corridor and all the way back to Gryffindor Tower. 

  


I stood there like a colorful, drag-queen statue. Well, this was going to be one Valentine's Day I'd never forget. 

  


A/N: This chapter was written by three very talented, perverted fanfic authors. Credit for the original concept goes to The One above All. Most perversion is a three-way tie. Plot goes to Celestial Princess, and the bulk of the typing goes to mrsradcliffe/tamahome.


	10. A Little Drama, Anyone? Part I

"Good morning everyone no da," I yawned as I approached the Gryffindor table. I couldn't sleep last night. I had to figure out how to tell Celestial Princess what kept me up all night. I knew it would break her heart, but I had to tell her. I was feeling too guilty.

  


I sat down and quietly squirmed in my seat. I heard happy giggles from the seat on my left. Hermione was showing Miaka the bracelet Ron gave her a week and a half ago, on Valentine's Day.

  


"Hello, happy people!" Celestial Princess said, appearing out of nowhere. She was wearing her Chichiri shirt and a pair of off-white bellbottoms.

  


She sat down across from me and sang to herself as she poured a glass of orange juice.

  


"Kiss me like crazy

Kiss me as night fades into day

I always dreamed someone would kiss me just that way

Kiss me like crazy

I want your lips pressed close to mine

Don't ever stop

Your kiss intoxicates like wine"

  


To add to the moment, she took a dramatic sip of her orange juice.

  


"Celestial Princess no da?" She looked up at me, still drinking her orange juice. "Celestial Princess... I... I can't love you anymore no da."

  


She spit her orange juice back into the glass. "Please repeat that?"

  


"You heard what I said no da."

  


"And why can't you love me, may I ask?"

  


"Because I'm a monk no da. Monks shouldn't be in relationships."

  


"So why didn't you tell me that on the day you kissed me?" She was trying to fight back tears. I must admit, she had a point, though.

  


I tried to find something to say, but my mind drew a blank. My throat froze and my hands got all sweaty. My lungs suddenly seemed to shrink drastically. I tried to say something, but the only words I could force out of my frozen throat were "no da".

  


"Fine, then," she whispered, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. "There are plenty more fish in the sea." She got up and started walking away, looking like she would break down and start crying at any second.

  


"Celestial Princess!" I called. "Wait no da!" She turned around and looked at me. Suddenly, my mouth didn't seem to work. I had no idea what to say. I just stood there, fully aware of everything. I suddenly realized how stupid I must look, wearing that stupid smiling mask after I just told Celestial Princess I dumped her. 

  


She must think I'm mocking her no da, I thought. I took off the mask.

  


"Wait...." My voice trailed off. Still unsure of what to say, I started toying with my mask.

  


Celestial Princess looked at me for about a second, her tear-filled eyes boring into my soul. I've never seen her look so angry. It was actually kind of scary, to tell you the truth.

  


"Bastard," she spat in a voice so low I could barely hear her. She then stormed out of the Great Hall. That's when I noticed everyone's eyes on me.

  


"What no da?" I asked. "Why are you all looking at me?" I hoped that everyone would go back to their business and act like nothing had happened. Instead, they continued staring at me. Feeling vulnerable, I put my mask back on. Chiriko started banging his head against the table.

  


"Dear Suzaku," he cried. "You're so stupid, Chichiri!" This comment from the youngest seishi threw me off. "I don't believe you!" he continued. "You, Chichiri, the oldest of the seishi, the last person who we would all think would fall in love, fell in love again. Then, what do you do? You dump her."

  


"I agree," Harry piped up. "Look how lucky you are, Chichiri. Here's a hot chick drooling after you, ready to do anything for you. You have her eating out of the PALM OF YOUR HAND for Christ's sake! You kiss her, then you throw her out like yesterday's paper. You're such a player, Chichiri."

  


All this chastisement was starting to tick me off.

  


"I'm thinking the same thing," Hotohori said. "Chichiri, do you even know what it's like to have your heart broken?"

  


"YES!" I cried, chibifying in rage. "YES, YES, YES NO DA!!! I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE MY HEART BROKEN. IF I DIDN'T, I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THIS SCAR!" I pointed to the scar on my eye. "WHY ARE YOU ALL LECTURING ME NO DA?! IT'S TICKING ME OFF!! AND IF YOU MUST KNOW, I DUMPED CELESTIAL PRINCESS BECAUSE I'M A MONK AND REALIZED THAT MONKS SHOULDN'T BE DOING WHAT I'M DOING. It's all for the better no da," I concluded softly, un-chibifying. Ron smirked, Hotohori gave me a skeptical look, Chiriko started banging his head on the table again, muttering "stupid, stupid, stupid," and Tasuki coughed. A cough that sounded like "dumbass."

  


"FINE, YOU WANT ME TO TALK TO HER, I'LL TALK TO HER NO DA." I started walking out of the Great Hall. When I reached the doorway I called over my shoulder "HAPPY NOW NO DA?" Everyone made a motion that I should go further.

  


I found Celestial Princess crouched in a corner of the hallway, crying, not too far from the Great Hall. I approached her cautiously, knowing even the slightest thing can get you a scratch from her, and boy, her nails are sharp. Tamahome had still a scratch she gave him a few days ago from telling her something stupid. No one remembers what he said anymore, but he has the scratch to prove that you don't get on Celestial Princess' bad side.

  


"Celestial Princess no da?" I asked cautiously. She looked up.

  


"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" she asked, her tear-stained face suddenly becoming angry.

  


"No, you don't understand - "

  


"No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" she said, walking away from me. "First you dump me, now you want my sympathy?"

  


"I didn't _dump_ you no da."

  


"Then what were you doing?" There was a pause where I was trying to think of what to say. "You know what? I don't need you. There are plenty of other hot guys here, and if I flirt enough, I'm sure I can get one of them."

  


_She sure knows how to make a guy feel bad no da._ I opened my mouth to try and reason with her.

  


"Don't say anything," she said. "Just get out of my life. I don't need you." She looked down and noticed that she was wearing her Chichiri shirt. "And I don't need this, either," she cried in fury, taking her shirt off and throwing it in my face.

  


I took the shirt off my face, the mask coming off with it. I gasped when I saw her. There was a wildness in her eyes, in her body, something that seemed to take over her soul. Something that was different now that she didn't have the shirt on. She seemed to have the attitude of a warrior princess. She looked like she would shoot a ki blast at me without warning.

  


I was actually almost right. She jumped at me, hands clawed, scratching the tender skin just below my good eye. I clutched my face, whimpering, as tears of pain welled up in my eyes.

  


"Dammit, I missed," she said quietly, running her fingers over the edges of her nails. I noticed that her nails were all triangular shaped, like little daggers.

  


"What, did you try to gouge out my eye no da?" I yelled at her.

  


"More or less, yeah," she replied nonchalantly, looking at her nails. I grabbed her hand and looked closely at her sharp nails.

  


"Your nails don't grow like this, do they no da?"

  


"I file them," she said matter-of-factly. "My nails are always sharp, but I do this so I can use them to the best of my abilities."

  


_Crazy bitch,_ I thought. _Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to break up with you after all no da._

  


"You're crazy no da."

  


"Call me what you like," she said with a sick smile. "But how would you act if you were a boy-crazy teenage girl who always dreamed of having a boyfriend, then you get introduced to _Fushigi Yugi_ by a friend, fall in love with Chichiri, then you become a fanfic author, actually get to _meet_ the man you've been dreaming about all this time, then he kisses you and before you know it, you're putty in his hands, and one day, out of the blue, he says he can't love you anymore."

  


"That doesn't mean you have permission to _almost gouge out my eye_ no da!"

  


"I was angry! Heck, I still am!" There was a pause. "Just... just... leave me alone." She crouched into a ball and began to cry again.

  


I went back to the Great Hall, leaving Celestial Princess to cry by herself. I suddenly felt really, really bad about myself.

  


"So," Nuriko asked me when I reached the table. "How'd it go?" Suddenly, eighteen pairs of eyes were upon me. I felt I would cry if I tried to say anything, so I just put Celestial Princess' shirt down on the table. Everyone stared at me, eyes wide, mouths hanging open.

  


Over the next few days, my life became a mess. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. I couldn't sleep, I was having trouble eating, and I wasn't thinking straight. But as bad as it was for me, Celestial Princess had it worse. She didn't return to her world. Rather, she stayed at Hogwarts crying in the arms of whoever offered them to her. Her only advantage was that everyone blamed me for her misery, so at least she had people to turn to.

  


On Saturday I got a letter at breakfast. I thanked Celestial Princess silently for having me be able to read English in this story, otherwise I never would have been able to get around.

  


As soon as I opened the letter, I wished that I couldn't read English so well.

  


_Chichiri,_ the letter said.

  


_I will make your life a living hell for the entire week next week starting tomorrow._

  


_ Sincerely,_

_ You Know Who_

  


"OH MY GOD!" cried Ron, who was reading the note over my shoulder. "YOU KNOW WHO'S CONTACTING YOU TO GET TO HARRY! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! DON'T SEND A RESPONSE, CHICHIRI! HARRY'S LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!"

  


Ron huddled under the table and wouldn't come out until he was totally convinced by Hermione that it wasn't Voldemort who was trying to contact me. Then she had to explain to the FY gang (as celestial Princess called us), who Voldemort was. After that, she had to read my note out loud to see what made Ron so nervous. _Then_ everyone started plotting what Celestial Princess would do to make my life a living hell and how to stop her.

  


We were a lot less productive than we sounded.

  


A/N: O.K., this took a long time to come out. I hope it was worth the wait. My little brother was pretty sick lately and I was getting a lot of schoolwork, so I didn't have much time on the computer. Sorry if this chapter sucked, but I was also experiencing writer's block, and I'm trying to work on about four or five stories at once, and it's hard to begin new stories.

  


P.S. Check out _Replacement_, everybody! I started it pretty recently and I want reviews!


	11. A Little Drama, Anyone? Part II

  


Sunday morning, I was sitting at the Gryffindor table eating breakfast when an owl came and dropped a bright red envelope by my plate.

  


"Chichiri's got a howler!" cried Neville, who was sitting next to me. "Who sent it to you?"

  


I looked at the envelope. "Celestial Princess no da."

  


Neville shuddered. "I hate to say this, but you're screwed."

  


As soon as I opened the envelope, I found out why.

  


"FUCKIN' BASTARD!" the envelope screamed in Celestial Princess' voice. "WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" I was almost knocked off my seat in a mixture of shock and the sheer volume emanating from one tiny envelope. 

  


Everyone stared at me, wondering what was happening. It was uncomfortable to hear the Great Hall go dead quiet as nobody uttered a sound, not even the loud, drunken, idiotic, pyromaniac that we've all come to call Tasuki.

  


"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU!" the howler continued. "WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON IN THAT BLUE-HAIRED HEAD OF YOURS? I THOUGHT YOU ACTUALLY LOVED ME! I THOUGHT I ACTUALLY MATTERED TO YOU! NOW I FEEL LIKE I'M JUST A REPLACEMENT FOR KOURAN WHENEVER YOU NEED SOME COMPANIONSHIP! I'M NOT YOUR FREAKIN' TOY!" Now everybody really started to stare.

  


I looked around the Great Hall until my eyes rested on Celestial Princess. She was chuckling to herself as she wrote something on a small pad of paper. She looked up and saw me looking at her. She gave me a grin that seemed to say "There's a lot more coming".

  


"BUT THE THING THAT REALLY PISSES ME OFF IS THE FACT THAT _YOU _WERE THE ONE HITTING ON ME FIRST. I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER WHILE YOU WERE SOBBING ABOUT KOURAN. IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO KISS ME! AND WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME ON THE COUCH AFTER THE EXPLODING APPLE INCIDENT? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO COULDN'T KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF ME. I WAS JUST SITTING ON THE COUCH, STARING INTO THE FIRE WHEN I SUDDENLY FELT A PAIR OF ARMS AROUND ME. REALLY! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? I THOUGHT MONKS WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE A LIFE OF CHASTITY, NOT FLIRT WITH GIRLS!" I looked around at the occupants of the table, praying they would say nothing. Fortunately, they didn't.

  


I jumped as the envelope burst into flames before my eyes. I quickly dropped it and tried not to make the table catch on fire.

  


"Put it out! Put it out!" cried Ron, throwing his orange juice on the fire.

  


"Don't let it come near my hair!" Hotohori yelled, tying his hair back.

  


There was more commotion, but I didn't hear it. Everything seemed so far away and not quite graspable. It was like this was all a really weird, surreal dream I had to wake up from. Unfortunately, this was real life, and real life is something one cannot wake up from.

  


The rest of my week didn't have too much joy. Every day at or around a mealtime, Celestial Princess would do something to annoy me greatly. 

  


Monday, she started flirting with Hotohori. I can't say it didn't make me jealous; I mean, she was all _over_ him and he didn't seem to mind. He actually seemed to enjoy it greatly when she ran her fingers through his precious locks. 

  


Tuesday, I was sitting on the shore of the lake after lunch, when Celestial Princess came up behind me and pushed me into the frigid waters of the lake. It was not a fun experience. I almost drowned because the giant squid then noticed the struggling monk and decided to make it even more difficult for the monk to swim to the shore my wrapping its tentacles around me. 

  


Wednesday during lunch, I got an exploding apple pie. It actually looked quite harmless at first, until I took a bite. There was a terrible explosion in my mouth, and it was then I figured that some of the apples from the whomping willow were put in the pie. Smoke came out of my mouth and curled gracefully into letters, which then formed a message: "You deserve it. -Celestial Princess and MRT".

  


Thursday, Celestial Princess had enough nerve to plant laxatives in all my food. _All_ my food, in _all_ my meals. I must have spent all day in the bathroom. It was a terrible experience.

  


Friday, Celestial Princess came down to breakfast wearing two earrings that looked like skeletons. I found it kind of weird because I never thought of her as a goth-type person, but, hey; you never know. Though little did I know exactly _why_ she was wearing those earrings. I found out pretty soon, though.

  


When it came time for class, the group decided to split up. Hotohori, Tamahome, Miaka, Nuriko, and I went with Hermione to Arithmancy class. The rest went with Harry and Ron to Divination.

  


I was sitting at an extra desk in Arithmancy, trying to figure out what exactly we were supposed to do, when my back suddenly felt like a heavy object had been slammed against it. I looked over my shoulder to see what had hit me, but saw nothing, not even a guilty face. I turned back around and thought no more of what had happened until I got hit in the back again by the mysterious object. I tried putting a barrier around myself, but nothing seemed to work; I kept getting hit. 

  


It was really painful. After getting hit for the third time, I could no longer suppress the screams that had been building up inside me. I had to let go.

  


The whole class turned their heads in my direction when they heard the scream. I tried to hold it in, but I couldn't. The thing slammed into my back again and again, with no signs of slowing down. Each time my back got hit, I let out a cry of pain.

  


Everyone stood there with a look of shock on their faces, not sure whether or not to run forward and help me. In the meantime, I was on the floor twitching like I was having a spasm and screaming.

  


"Chichiri!" cried Miaka, finally running to me. "What's happening to you?"

  


"You can't see it no da?" I managed to reply before my back got hit again.

  


Miaka shook her head. "No."

  


I closed my good eye under the mask and tried to stop screaming as I got hit again and again.

  


"Hmm..." Hermione's voice said, coming out of nowhere. "If he's being hit with an invisible object, I can be able to sense it." She muttered a nonsense word or two and waved her wand. Then she shook her head. I still managed to get hit.

  


"So he's not being hit with an invisible object, huh?" Tamahome pondered. "What is it, then?"

  


"Celestial Princess!" Nuriko cried. We all turned to look at him. "I'm serious," he said when he saw the looks on our faces. "It's gotta be her. You saw those weird earrings she was wearing at breakfast this morning; you know, the ones that look like skeletons? She's gotta be using them as voodoo dolls or something to inflict this pain on Chichiri."

  


Everyone started mumbling in agreement. I, however, was still on the floor screaming in pain because I was still getting hit. 

  


"And consider this!" Nuriko cried before he was cut off. "She was flirting with Hotohori all week, but she decided to go to Divination today, which we all know she doesn't like." He laughed to himself as we all considered the matter. "Why could I never see it before?"

  


"Great no da," I said sarcastically. "Now that you've found out what's causing me so much pain, how about going over to the Divination classroom and _stopping her_ no da?"

  


Nuriko cracked his knuckles. "I'll go." He then left the classroom.

  


After about ten minutes or so, I noticed the pain had stopped. I was no longer being hit. I gratefully stood up, but found it hard to do so, because my back was screaming with pain. I had to go to my next class leaning on Tasuki for support.

  


Later that evening, I took a shower. The hot water hitting my back was probably one of the most unpleasant experiences I ever had.

  


When I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, I could hear a gasp. I turned around and saw Hotohori standing frozen with a hand over his mouth, eyes the size of serving platters.

  


"What's the matter no da?" I asked him.

  


"Look at your back."

  


I followed Hotohori's advice and craned my neck over my shoulder as best I could without sending shooting pains up my spine, yet still enabling me to see. When I saw what my back looked like, I let out a gasp as well. My back was covered with big blue, yellow, and purple bruises.

  


"That - that - " I stuttered, trying to think of a good word to describe Celestial Princess. "How could she do that to me no da?"

  


"Because she loves you."

  


It was probably one of the most absurd comments anyone had ever said to me. I started laughing. I laughed harder than I had all week. I laughed until the corners of my good eye was wet and my back began to ache like it was going to give out at any minute. Hotohori didn't seem to think what he said was so funny, though.

  


"I'm dead serious; she does."

  


"Then why is she doing this to me no da?"

  


"She's angry that you dumped her. She still loves you, though. I know it."

  


I had to calm another fit of laughter and attempt to put on a straight face before I asked how he knew she still loved me.

  


"It's the way she looks at you," he responded. "There's always a certain look in her eyes when she does stuff to you, like she's sorry about it. Yes, she does look angry, but if you look deep into her eyes, you can see the sorrow."

  


"But how can you be totally sure no da?"

  


Hotohori gave me a big smile; the kind that says you're plotting something. "Tomorrow night after dinner. I have something to show you."

  


A/N: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!! Sorry to have taken so long on this chapter, but I was out of town for a whole week with no computer. When I came back I was victim to numerous fits of writer's block and laziness. 

  


I felt a little rusty while writing this chapter. I hope I'm not losing my touch as a fanfic author. That would be terrible!

  


Thanks to everyone who reviewed these past 10 chapters. You guys are the best!

  


P.S. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEE read _Replacement_, people! I got only one review for chapter 3, and I'm kinda losing ideas for it, so motivation would be greatly appreciated! (Don't say you liked it if you really didn't, though. I _will_ take constructive criticism if need be!)

  


Oh! Ditto for _Suzaku Seishi Plus Three_. It's a fic I'm co-authoring with mrsradcliffe/tamahome and The One above All. As reviews go, we're kinda pathetic and we'd love to hear your comments! (The story is under The One above All's account.) Just no flmaes, or TOaA's gonna get really mad, and he's not fun to be around when he's like that. I know from personal experience!


	12. Aw Tho Thweet!

I forced my eyes open and sat straight up in bed, hearing church bells ring out the time in the distance. Three in the morning.

  


I wanted to go back to sleep, but decided that it was more important to save Chichiri from the volcano of rage we have come to call Celestial Princess, so I gently woke him up.

  


"What is it no da?" he asked, sleepily opening his good eye. "I was having a good dream about Celestial Princess. I had her back and I was happy. We both were no da. Why did you wake me up to this bleak reality?"

  


"Because I may be able to give it back to you," I replied. Chichiri looked more awake now. He jumped up and grabbed his bathrobe.

  


"Then let's go no da! Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

  


As we were going, I reached into Harry's trunk and pulled out his invisibility cloak. I found a pen and scribbled an explanation of where his cloak had gone on a piece of parchment. I left the note on his bedside table and exited the boys' dorms with Chichiri.

  


When we got to the common room, I realized we had to find a way to get Celestial Princess down to the common room with us without going up the stairs to the girls' dorms. I thought about what to do for a few minutes, then decided I should probably make Chichiri shape-shift into some kind of flying creature, fly to the window of the dorm where Celestial Princess was, and somehow bring her downstairs.

  


I explained my plan to Chichiri and he shape-shifted into a small bird, then flew out the window towards the girls' dorms. Pretty soon, Celestial Princess came down the stairs in an oversized t-shirt and green tartan pajama pants.

  


"What happened, Hotohori?" she asked me, barely awake. "I heard you wanted to talk to me."

  


"Where'd you hear that?" I asked.

  


"A little birdy told me. So, why did you ask for me at this hour?"

  


"Because of this," I said, throwing Harry's invisibility cloak around both of us. Celestial Princess' eyes became wide as she saw I had Harry's invisibility cloak with me.

  


We started walking out of the common room. Chichiri shape-shifted into a fly and landed on my shoulder just before the cloak engulfed Celestial Princess and I. 

  


Celestial Princess and I started walking. I knew exactly where I was going, but I could see in Celestial Princess' eyes that she had no clue where I was leading her. I knew she wanted to ask me, so I whispered to her I wasn't leading her into danger and everything was going to be alright. She calmed down, but not much.

  


When we finally got to that small room behind a tapestry showing a very artistic impression of Harry Potter defeating Voldemort, I threw off the invisibility cloak and looked around the tiny, windowless room.

  


The room looked the exact same from last time I was there. There were no chairs, only a single cushion on the floor, a few inches front of a giant mirror.

  


"I don't believe it," Celestial Princess said in awe, all the tiredness suddenly wiped from her face. "It's the Mirror of Erised, isn't it?" She started reading the nonsense inscription at the top of the frame. "It is!" she cried. "Oh, my God, this is amazing!"

  


She walked all the way around the mirror, inspecting every single square inch, sometimes reaching out her hand and running her fingers over the smoothness of it. When she was done inspecting the mirror, she stood in front of it and looked into the glass.

  


"I can sense very strong magic there, no da," Chichiri, who was still a fly on my shoulder, whispered. "I'm not sure what that mirror does, but it's powerful."

  


Celestial Princess, who had been looking very intently into the mirror this whole time, now had her hands up, palms flat against the glass, looking like she wanted to caress whoever or whatever she saw on the other side.

  


"Who's on the other side?" I asked her. I hoped she would say _Chichiri_, because I had a plan which was: bring Celestial Princess to the Mirror of Erised with Chichiri in disguise, let her look in the mirror, ask her who she saw, and if she said _Chichiri_, I could put them back together.

  


She looked back at me with longing in her eyes and said, so low I could barely catch what she was saying, "Chichiri."

  


_Perfect,_ I thought. _Everything is going according to plan._

  


"Why?" I asked, feigning curiosity. "I thought you didn't love him anymore."

  


"Hotohori," she asked me, her hands on her hips, "do you even know how this mirror works?"

  


"Not really," I answered truthfully.

  


She sighed and shook her head, like I was stupid. Then she began a lecture about the mirror.

  


"This mirror is called _the Mirror of Erised_. The inscription on the top says 'I show not your face but your heart's desire'. It shows no truth, just what you want to see. According to Dumbledore, many men have gone crazy while looking at it. It's like a drug; dangerous and addictive."

  


"So you want Chichiri."

  


She looked up at me, a sad, hopeless smile on her face. "Yes."

  


I smiled shrewdly and took the small fly off my shoulder. The fly immediately shifted back into Chichiri.

  


"Is this what you're looking for?" I asked her.

  


Celestial Princess' eyes brightened. In less than a second, all the sadness that had been hovering around her for the past week or so disappeared.

  


"Chichiri!" she cried, diving for the monk. She enveloped him in a tight hug and smiled broadly. "Never ever leave me again."

  


Chichiri rolled his good eye. "With the way you treat people who are mad at you, I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon no da."

  


She blushed. "I'm sorry about that. I really am."

  


"It's O.K. no da. We have each other and that's all that matters, right?"

  


I figured I should go before all the sappy romance killed me. I started to leave when Celestial Princess grabbed my arm. When I turned around, she hugged me tightly

  


"Thank you, Hotohori," she said. "You made me so happy." When she pulled away I noticed tears in her eyes.

  


Chichiri circled his hands around her waist. "Let's go back now, no da."

  


Celestial Princess turned around and smiled at him. "In a second." She then started kissing him. I'm not talking about a quick peck on the lips. I'm talking about the kind of kiss that you only see people do in the privacy of their own homes or on whorehouses.

  


I thought it was great that they were back together again, but all this kissing was making me sick.

  


"You guyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys!" I whined. They, of course, didn't listen.

  


A/N: I'm really sorry this took so long to post. I've been going through some major (obviously) Writer's Block. I decoded to start writing again when I got inspired to do a possible sequel. My only fear is that the sequel is going to turn out to be too much like SS+3.

  


gndg: I'm not dense and I apologized! So there!

  


MRT: I know! Mayb we should use them in another story... hmmm... *evil smile*

  


tensai-yuki: Now you see! What did you think?

  


TOaA: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

  


Angela: Thank you! I guess he kinda did, but Chichiri was sort of supposed to be someone else... hehehehehe.


End file.
